SPAM and other diversions

I'd first like to mention that Neil has replied to a couple of questions that I sent in [one thanks to someone else who wrote in]. One question is in the post called More questions answered, and Harry Stephen Keeler mentioned; the other is in the post called Small potatoes. Thanks, Neil.

And now on to the SPAM.

I have a confession to make - I have stolen someone's SPAM. [My white board even states, "Here resides a stolen SPAM."] It was really for his own good - I don't think that anyone should have to consume it, much less want to do so. I know that it's not a very good ethical trait to steal, but I was doing him [and his roommate] a favour. His roommate couldn't stand the fact that he would slice it up and put it on a baking sheet, pop down to the kitchen to use the oven, and come back with a batch of rank-smelling can-formed meat.

Two nights ago he came back to attempt to retrieve his precious SPAM. I, having his own interests at heart, refused to return it. I felt a bit mean-spirited, as he told me that he was hungry, butI don't care if SPAM is popular in Guam - we are not in Guam. I don't care if it's actually Turkey Spam. I didn't mean to leave him hungry, I offered many different treats in return, like popcorn, chicken noodle soup, and Crispix. I thought that he was going to give in when I offered Crispix, but he decided that he wanted meat. I had no meat to offer.

I suggested that he return to the local Wal-Mart and buy something to eat, and he stated that he would just buy more SPAM and that my attempt to keep him from it would have been futile. This being the case, I still refused to give in. If there was one thing I was going to do it was going to be to prevent him from eating this particular can of Spam.

So far I have been able to do so. I have hidden the SPAM in a very clever place that he wouldn't think of. I am a devious one.


[It might interest you to know that the SPAM Museum is not too far away from me, in Austin, MN.]